Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
