guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
What a dumb baby whore.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
