I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
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