She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize