Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
