Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
