I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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