Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
