and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
