Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
