awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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