i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
