I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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