mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
