Have you finally orgasmed yet?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
