No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
