I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
