Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
