I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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