YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
