Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
