i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
