i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
