Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Randomize