those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
