good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
