i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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