So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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