When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
be right there i have to get my cape
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
