Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think people are normalizing furries
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
