When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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