i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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