He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize