The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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