he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize