I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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