I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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