apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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