before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
