we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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