Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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