you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize