no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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