Fine. I'll sleep in my office
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
