Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
