Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
