goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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