mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
