everyone is single if you try hard enough
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
