you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
