what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
