Tell her she can't have a vagina
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize