I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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