What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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