i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
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