apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
