I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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