they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
