I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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