the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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