I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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