o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Randomize
